My Miscarriage Story,
Followed by Advice on Dealing with a Miscarriage and a Pregnancy Following a Loss.
After my husband and I had been married for 5 years, we finally agreed that it was time to start trying to get pregnant. To our surprise, I got a positive pregnancy test after the first month! WHAT?! All of that time being afraid of the “what ifs” of endometriosis and I was pregnant! I was so excited. But at that moment, I had no idea that I’d soon be dealing with a miscarriage.
However, I knew several friends that started to bleed and had miscarried before their 8-week ultrasound. But, I was throwing up all the time and had no bleeding. So, I assumed those were good signs and that I was in the clear when I reached 8 weeks.
My husband and I went to our 8-week ultrasound and they went over payment plans and gave me a book with pregnancy information as we waited for our ultrasound…
It was time for the ultrasound and the picture of the gestational sac was on the screen in front of us.
- But I saw nothing inside it.
- I heard nothing.
- There was no heart beating sound.
I was so confused: I had positive pregnancy tests, I was throwing up, I hadn’t been bleeding! Where is our baby? The nurse said the doctor would come to talk to me in a minute.
My OBGYN came in and the first thing I said was “is something wrong?” and she said yes. How quickly the joy went to heartbreak. She told me it was called a blighted ovum. It is when the gestational sac forms but an embryo never develops or stops developing. There is no known cause.
Dilation and Curettage
The doctor suggested I have a D&C to remove the gestational sac or the alternative was to take a pill for my body to miscarry without surgery. I chose surgery. She took the pregnancy information book (since I’d no longer be needing it) and told me she was sorry.
The days leading up to the surgery, I was so angry. My body still thought it was pregnant. I was throwing up several times a day even though there was no baby. It felt like my body was being cruel to me.
I was angry. I felt alone and isolated. Getting on social media and seeing other pregnancy announcements made me jealous. I hated being around other pregnant friends and hearing about their healthy pregnancies when that’s what I desired. Emotionally, I was in such a horrible place. I had turned away from my friends, my husband, and most importantly, the Lord.
We tried month after month to get pregnant again and I was heartbroken each time I saw a negative pregnancy test. I felt pretty defeated. I was taking the ovulation tests and doing all the crazy things it says to do on the internet to try to get pregnant.
Then, one month I told my husband that I didn’t want to watch the calendar for ovulation days or take the ovulation tests. I just wanted a month where we didn’t think about it. And wouldn’t you know? That’s the month I got another positive pregnancy test.
However, going through having a blighted ovum, had taken the joy out of a positive pregnancy test.
When I have a positive pregnancy test, I now know that it could mean nothing. Looking back, I wish we would have celebrated. I wish we would have been excited. Instead it was a waiting game to see if it was real.
When I was pregnant with my son, I spent weeks leading up to the ultrasound not allowing myself to be excited because I didn’t want to “become attached” to a baby that may not be there. Once I heard his heartbeat and saw him, I felt relief. But the relief faded, I fell back into the fear that something else would go wrong. It was a cycle throughout my entire pregnancy. Relief at a doctor’s appointment when I found out all was well, followed by fear again until the next appointment.
I wasn’t able to enjoy my pregnancy because I was trying not to get attached to that precious boy in my stomach in case I would be dealing with another miscarriage. I was trying to protect myself from pain. What a horrible way to live and I robbed myself of that precious time of having my son inside me. Please learn from my mistakes. What did living in fear accomplish?
3 things I wish I had done when Dealing with a Miscarriage & a Pregnancy Following the Loss:
Talk to Someone
- I wish I would have told people about my miscarriage. Instead of hiding it like a dirty secret, please let your friends, husband, counselor, anyone walk through this with you. There is freedom in saying out loud how you feel and sharing the weight of what you are carrying emotionally.
- Celebrate if you are pregnant following a loss! Celebrate and choose joy any day the Lord had given life inside of you, instead of living in fear. Even if the next pregnancy ends in loss, try to be happy for the time you have. The fear in the waiting will take over if you don’t.
- Of course it’s okay to be sad and mourn your previous loss, as well as being upset in the time you aren’t pregnant. However, do not live in that sadness. Instead choose to be joyful. Try to choose joy for those pregnant around you. It is okay to be sad for your loss but to also be happy for others.
Turn Towards Jesus
- Most importantly, turn towards the Lord instead of away from Him. You may feel angry and not want to go to church, to pray, to read the Bible. But, please talk to other believers!
- How differently this season of my life could be! Bring your pain and fear and lay them at the feet of Jesus. If anyone can understand the pain of losing a child, wouldn’t it be God when he gave up his son for us?
If you are dealing with miscarriage, infertility, the loss of a child, I am so sorry for your pain. Please don’t close yourself off. I am so thankful that I have my son now but remember when I was dealing with loss, without a child to hold on to.
No matter your situation, please reach out to those around you so you are not trying to walk through this alone. Don’t be embarrassed to go to counseling either! Please feel free to reach out to me too! Leave a comment or email me at [email protected]
5 thoughts on “Dealing with Miscarriage and Pregnancy After Loss”
My husband and I are going through this right now. I chose the medicine method because my body was not miscarrying on it’s own. I was extremely close to Jesus before this happened but have been struggling with my faith since. I know I need Him and deep down I know He is good. I also know He can heal my heart, but I am struggling. When I first got pregnant I would rub my womb and thank Jesus for knitting a baby in me. Please pray for me. Nothing is more important than the Lord and I know the hard times can bring you closer. I don’t know how or what to do to heal and get back on track with Him.
I am so so so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you right now. Thank you for reaching out. This was a dark season for me because I shut myself off from the world. I stopped going to church and stopped communicating with my husband. My biggest encouragement from my experience would be to let people walk through this with you. Please reach out to other women that love the Lord and look for a christian counselor. I remember being so angry with God, thinking he was intentionally withholding something good from me (which isn’t the case, just how I felt). Remember to go to the Lord, even if you’re angry and hurt. “Going to the cross” kicking and screaming is better than not going at all.
You are right, He is still good. He loves you and hurts with you. Healing is a process and I wish there was a quick fix for pain. My prayer is that you will feel the Lord’s presence now more than ever and only the peace and comfort He can bring.
I am lying in hospital bed while reading this due blighted ovum miscarriage.
I trust God for complete healing and for another healthy baby after all this
I am so, so, sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you as well…for a healthy pregnancy and baby soon.
It’s been 12 weeks since my d&c procedure following my blighted ovum. I’m mentally and physically
Defeated. I pray everyday begging God to please let this end. My body won’t heal. I’m still showing pregnant. I was 11 weeks. 11 is my lucky number . I was devasted as the anesthesiologist asked me that day how far along I was. I don’t understand it. I literally can’t breathe sometimes thinking about this. I had a terrible abusive relationship with my children’s father. I have three babies. I finally have my dream man. We have truly thanked God for bringing us together. He doesn’t have children. After so many debates inside of himself he finally decided he was ready and I was the one he wanted it with. We decided to try that month during ovulation. Two weeks later it was positive! I’ve never been so devastated in my life. Not only do I have three children with a man who is not involved. I was a surrogate mom twice. I carried twins in 2013 and a baby in 2020- all for couples in France. So why now?! Why is my body not working. I’m angry at myself, I’m confused w God. Everyday I listen to I will praise you in this storm and I am completely broken. I feel so helpless. Why won’t my body heal??? Why now; why is this happening to me